Eggs, the perfect food!!

Did you know that eggs are the most digestible protein you can eat?  They are truly the perfect food.  Research shows they are high in lutein, which may help in reducing your risk of macular degeneration disease.  They are high in zeaxanthin and one egg contains 6 grams of high-quality protein and all 9 essential amino acids.  Eggs are one of the only foods that contain naturally occurring vitamin D and promote healthy hair and nails because of their high sulphur (sulphur is important in detoxification of the liver) content and wide array of vitamins and minerals. Many people find their hair growing faster after adding eggs to their diet, especially if they were previously deficient in foods containing sulphur or B12.  Eggs also contain choline, which is very important because it helps detoxifies the liver, regulate the brain, nervous system, and cardiovascular system.  One egg yolk has about 300 micrograms of choline and they are rich in vitamin E.

Several years ago, I had the privilege of working with Dr. Mark Stengler N.D.  He is one of the most brilliant men I have ever been privileged to work with. He has several books out including “The prescription for natural cures,” a book everyone should own and writes for bottom line. Because of what he does, he constantly is reviewing studies; I am amazed at his photographic memory.  I had several opportunities to do a radio show with him and one of the topics that we addressed was the myth about eggs and cholesterol.  Dr. Stengler shared with the audience that the research that was done on eggs and cholesterol was done on powdered eggs.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone that eats powdered eggs, do you?

According to a study by the Harvard School of Public Health, there is no significant link between egg consumption and heart disease. In fact, according to one study, regular consumption of eggs may help prevent blood clots, stroke and heart attacks.

New research shows that, contrary to previous belief; moderate consumption of eggs does not have a negative impact on cholesterol. In fact, recent studies have shown that regular consumption of two eggs per day does not affect a person’s lipid profile and may, in fact, improve it. Research suggests that it is saturated fat that raises cholesterol rather than dietary cholesterol and of the 5 grams of fat that an egg has, only 1.5 grams of that is saturated fat.

The importance of the yolk!

Many people avoid the yoke because of fat and cholesterol.  Cholesterol is very important to the body; it helps the body make Pregnenolone, DHEA, estrogen, testosterone and progesterone. In short, you need it. If you are trying to lean out, if you are doing 5 egg whites, try and add one yoke.  The yolk is where all the nutrients are.  Here is a comparison chart issued by the USDA.

Table 1: Egg Yolks Versus Egg Whites

Looking at this table, you can see the yolk contains 100% of the carotenoids, essential fatty acids, vitamins A, E, D, and K (6 items). The white does not contain 100% of any nutrient.  The yolk also contains more than 90% of the calcium, iron, phosphorus, zinc, thiamin, B6, folate, and B12, and 89% of the panthothenic acid (9 items). The white does not contain more than 90% of any nutrient, but contains over 80% of the magnesium, sodium, and niacin (3 items). The yolk contains between 50% and 80% of the copper, manganese, and selenium, while the white contains between 50% and 80% of the potassium, riboflavin, and protein.  According to a new report, the yolk would resolve many of the nutritional deficiency’s we are seeing today.

Because the egg yolk contains so many proteins and fats, the lecithin content is high.  Lecithin is an emulsifying agent, it helps oils, fats and water better combine. Did you know you could make your body more efficient at burning fat by the lecithin in eggs?

Lecithin itself has been observed in lab environments to directly impact fat stores. What this means is that lecithin will more easily have fat stores dissolved into the water inside them and removed through their waste systems.  Eggs were meant to be eaten whole so again, if you are trying to lean out, add a yolk to your whites.

Recently we saw on the news the recall of a massive amount of eggs.  If you haven’t taken the time to look at Food Inc. you will want to so that you understand what happened.  Not all eggs are the same.  Chickens that are in small cages or tight quarters have lower immune function and are more likely to develop infections.  Also, they are fed hormone infested foods as well as a ton of antibiotics, something you never want.   When getting eggs, you want free range/ cage free and high DHA so that you are getting the omega benefits.  You want eggs from a chicken that was able to feed on foods that its body could tolerate, in conditions that were not overly stressful. We are fortunate to have someone local to buy eggs from that fit this description.  You may be able to find also at your local farmers market.

Thought you would appreciate the Nutritional Value of Eggs

Below is the amount of nutrients present in a medium-sized egg (without shell)

Water – 38.8 g

Energy – 324 kJ/ 78 kcal

Protein – 6.5 g

Fat – 5.8 g

Inc saturated f.a  - 1.7 g

Monounsaturated f.a – 2.3 g

Sodium – 72 mg

Potassium – 67 mg

Calcium – 29 mg

Phosphorus – 103 mg

Magnesium – 6.2 mg

Iron – 1.0 mg

Zinc – 0.7 mg

Copper – 0.04 mg

Iodine – 27 μg

Chlorine – 83 mg

Sulphur – 93 mg

Selenium – 6 μg

Vitamin A – 98 μg

Vitamin D –  0.9 μ

Vitamin E – 0.57 mg

Thiamin (B1) – 0.05 mg

Riboflavin (B2) – 0.24 mg

Niacin – 0.05 mg

Vitamin B6 – 0.06 mg

Folate – 26 μg

Vitamin B12 – 1.3 μg

Biotin – 10 μg

Michelle’s Chocolate Protein Cake

I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes.  Many times when you are following a food plan you are looking for some kind of treat.  This cake is so great, hot or cold and you actually feel like you are cheating. The wonder slim I use in this I use for many things, has no sugar, only a few carbs and a few calories.  It also has no fat and gives everything a rich chocolate taste if you are a chocolate lover like me.   Enjoy!!

1 C. Oat flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon pumpkin spice (You can use cinnamon if you don’t have this)
¼ teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1 scoop chocolate protein powder ( I like the optimum natural gold standard.  No artificial sweeteners)
1 scoop wonder slim chocolate (this can be purchased on amazon and is cheap, I use for many things)
3 egg whites or 3 oz egg whites in a carton
¾ C. Xylitol
½ C. Fat free or low fat Ricotta Cheese (see what you can find the fat free is hard to find)
1 C. Grated zucchini (I put this in my bullet and add a little water and grind up)
Non fat stick spray

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spray an 8X8 pan with the non stick spray.
Mix first 7 ingredients in a bowl and whisk. In a separate bowl mix the remaining ingredients and whisk.  Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and whisk well.  Pour in to an 8×8 pan and bake for 30 min or until tooth pick comes out clean.  Let cool and cut into 16 4×4 pieces

2 squares give you.
97 Calories, 1.25 g Fat, 11g Carbs, 10g protein.

Find out how an overgrowth of yeast is making you fat!

Did you know that the yeast overgrowth could create on average, a weight gain of 32.5 pounds?  I know, you are thinking if I lost 32 pounds I would be where I wanted to be.  There are millions of Americans that suffer from candidiasis, which creates a list of health issues.  Yeast or it is sometimes called, Candida, is naturally occurring in our bodies.  Probiotics help keep this in check, but the problem is when levels get to high because of antibiotic use, second hand antibiotics from our dairy and meats, stress, sugar and toxins, which kill our friendly bacteria.  Probiotics and candida not only compete for food but also space.

When our yeast levels get to high we crave sugar and carbs.  These little bugs are very demanding and want to be fed making it difficult to follow any program or even if you are trying to eat more healthy.  Dairy and sugar feed yeast and give them what they need to multiply even more.   Have you ever woke up in the morning and noticed you are bloated?  When we feed carbs to yeast, it causes the carbs to ferment, creating toxic waste.  When this happens the body will respond by retaining water as a protection mechanism.   You can literally add any where from five to seven inches to your waist because of this bloating.  Another issue yeast overgrowth creates is the inability to utilize essential fatty acids, which makes it difficult to concentrate and can cause mood swings.

If you are wondering if this is an issue for you here are some of the symptoms to look for.

Intense carb and sugar cravings

Difficulty concentrating

Frequent yeast infections

Chronic Fatigue

A white coating on the tongue

Headaches

Irritability and mood swings

Acne

Chronic congestion or sinusitis

Dry, itchy skin

Digestive issues such as bloating, heartburn, diarrhea or constipation

Athlete’s foot or yellowing of the nails

Cravings for alcohol

Anxiety

Hyperactivity

Depression

Low sex drive

Muscle weakness

The brain is the organ that is most frequently affected by Candida Symptoms, but it also has profound negative effects on these systems:

Digestive, nervous, cardiovascular, respiratory, reproductive, urinary, endocrine, lymphatic, musculoskeletal

Yeast and Children

Many times during pregnancy women will experience high yeast and some babies are even born with thrush because of this.  When you have a baby or even a toddler with high yeast, you could experience a very difficult child.  They may have stomach issues, problems eliminating as well as very emotional.  When my youngest was about 9 months I decided to lower his yeast homeopathically.  I could not believe the difference; it was like he was a different child.  I have also seen the same thing with my grandchildren.  Homeopathic remedies are all I recommend with children because they are safe.  When I see kids with eczema or really dry skin, I know they need to lower their yeast levels.

Whether you are cleansing your self or your child you will want to try your best to eliminate dairy and sugar, as well as any fruit that convert to sugar quickly like bananas, watermelon, pineapple ect.  I am not a big fan of radical yeast cleansing diets because they drive yeast into organs and systems that yeast should not be in.  You need to remember these are living organisms that are fighting for their life and they will do what ever they need to for survival.

If you want to lower your yeast levels the product that I like is “Yeast Cleanse” by Solaray.  Vitacost.com has a great price on it and it can be found in most health food stores.   You will want to start with one and work your way up.  If you feel like you have the flu you may have to take one every other day or every third day.  The higher your levels are the more likely you are to not feel good when cleansing.  I also will use a homeopathic yeast formula, I find that will give you the best results.

When I was in school my favorite person that I learned so much from was Dr. DicQie Fuller-Looney, Phd, Dsc, ND., founder of Transformation Enzymes Corporation.   When she spoke you listened.  She was captivating and very entertaining.  Her story is unique and if you Google her name you can read her story.  One of the people from her office read my blog on GMO and sent me this and I felt I needed to share.  Thank you DicQuie for the research and the information!!  Enjoy.

66% of America is Obese: Who Is to Blame?
Do we really eat too much? How is it we are malnourished? Are our modified foods making us fat?

We must become aware of the growing possibilities that genetic engineering in modern agricultural technology has now modified our food sources beyond what our human digestive system can recognize or our immune systems defend.

Manipulated opportunistic microorganisms or molecular proteins added into our food sources whether to lessen caloric intake or to protect our crops may be the origin of our country’s obesity problems.

People are consuming far less calories than they used to according to the US Department of Agriculture website, and yet 66% of Americans are obese and malnourished.

We have no one to blame except ourselves. We grew excited when we thought we could consume carbohydrates and not pay the price of calories.

What happened to the theory that if we eat less calories than we burn, we will lose weight?

Nutritionists would tell those desiring to lose weight to just consume fewer calories than they can burn driven by their BMR number (calories burned at rest) and then follow suggested diets and exercise plans. This does not work like it did because people are consuming synthetic sugars and fats containing no calories or energy for metabolism.

These synthetic sugar substitutes are anywhere from 200 to 600 times sweeter than sugar and take up an important place in our cells’ reserve for glucose but cannot fill it, providing energy. Instead they just take up the space and thereby compromise the health of the cell. Furthermore, their sweetness sets up a rise in insulin to metabolize it, even though the insulin cannot
From this scenario we create hypoglycemia, fatigue, metabolic syndrome, and eventually diabetes.

Synthetic Sugars + Fats = Lethal Formula for Obesity

I am not going to go into all the theories about synthetic sugars’ cause of disease because just the pure logic of the cost to our cells and the further imbalance of insulin is enough for me. I must mention one more artificial sweetener since it advertises itself to be good for our children. Splenda® is chlorinated and preferred because it comes from a molecule of sugar and you can use it for baking and cooking. Splenda® cannot be digested and hinders the digestion of any food source it is mixed with. Synthetic sugars advertise being healthier for those with diabetes, yet diabetes is another rising concern in America and has more than doubled. If that is not bad enough, our children are now suffering with this adult disease. I learned these synthetic sugars are in over 5,000 different food sources on our grocery shelves and growing at a rate of 8.3% a year.

These synthetics and derivatives are    causing a problem with human flora. Research has revealed that friendly bacteria (probiotics) might be useful in treating irritable bowel disorder, diarrhea, colitis, and bowel cancer. One type of bacteria researchers have found promising results is called L. Plantarum, which attaches itself to the lining of the gut and stimulates its growth.

Modified organisms that were once medicine are making their way into over-the- counter nutrition. The rush to obtain a patent on natural food substances is being driven by pharmaceutical marketing departments which produce nutritional products. Other sales forces are joining in this patent momentum trying to outdo one another. It now leaves us with products in the nutritional realm that are being genetically modified to file a patent and drive the sale of their product. If you know the number of any patent, you can go online and read their patent modifications at www.freepatentsonline.com.

Here is a short list of a few of our foods that are genetically modified. When you read them, please keep in mind that if they are in our food source, the modified proteins will be part of the food and those who eat the finished product must deal with the outcome. Modified soy can be found in 30,000 products and modified corn is used in corn syrup and so many of our products in the US.
Percentage of American foods containing GMOs:

•    Soy 91% •    Corn 85% •    Canola 85% •    Dairy (rbGH GM hormone) •    Sugar Beets 90% •    Tomatoes and some squash
I had a radio show in the late 1980s to early 1990s and spoke out about Monsanto injecting pork genes in tomatoes. Since then, according to some of the patents, there has been fish genes injected as well. The idea is to make them last longer on the shelves, but in the case of strawberries and some tomatoes the arctic fish gene was injected to protect them from frost. This whole situation arose because of our government’s concern about our soil and its ability to grow enough food to feed our ever-growing population. It was when they offered money and grants to seek help solving the problem that the pharmaceutical world and universities entered the race. Monsanto joined up with two large pharmaceutical companies and the rest is history.

Our USDA is telling Europe our need for organic foods is growing because of demand. Most of them do not understand why we have this problem to begin with. Their products have not been produced using modified organisms, nor do they let these foods into their country. Case in point is a prebiotic called inulin. Many of my colleagues are impressed by the research on inulin from the Nutrition & Health Department in Lausanne, Switzerland. Their research is certainly very promising, however inulin produced here in the United States from our genetically modified beet sugar is causing digestive tract discomfort and bowel problems unlike those produced elsewhere.

What can we do to return our metabolic balance?

We can educate ourselves on reading labels and recognizing modified foods. Eliminate all synthetic sugars, soy products, corn syrups, derivatives, food colorings, and those products that contain them. Choose to eat organic foods which are now available in our grocery chains and online.

Organic agriculture is a concept and practice of agricultural production that focuses on production without the use of synthetic inputs and does not allow the use of transgenic organisms. The USDA’s National Organic Program has established a set of national standards for certified organic production which are available online.

Besides eating organic foods, we can ingest supplemental enzymes to offset the effects of manipulated foods we have previously eaten as well as those hidden in our food products. Keep in mind that most of our immune system can be found in
our digestive tract along with the body’s inflammatory responses.

Digestive enzymes are even more necessary now than ever before.

Digestive enzymes should be ingested with every meal.

Protease enzymes ingested between meals support healthy immune
balance and clearing the system of cross-linked proteins, protein toxins, fibrin, and inflammation.

Probiotics ingested before bed or as needed help to recapture healthy
gut microorganisms and rid the system of opportunistic bacteria. Include extra probiotics when you eat out or travel.

A word of caution about nutritional supplements—educate yourself on their absorbability (availability to the cell) and/or the cost to the body in dealing with those that are not absorbed. Another precautionary advice, I am sad to say, now include supplemental enzymes. I have always said enzymes are not created equal    pharmaceutical grade and (2) the baking and food industry grade enzymes that have made their way into many products due to pricing issues. Now even pharmaceutical grade enzymes are being manipulated by some of the blending tactics, leaving the enzymes insufficient and in lower availability and strength as in some of the patent processes.

Add to this ever-growing list of concerns: probiotics and prebiotics. There are many    strains that are neither stable nor effective in producing healthy human strains. Probiotic and prebiotic strengths are measured in millions and billions, but stronger is not necessarily efficient or effective if the strains are unstable or improper for human flora. Some probiotics if too high in strength (compared to others in the formula) can cause an imbalance. Some improper prebiotics (manipulated polysaccharide sugars) feed opportunistic bacteria. Each of us has different microorganism species and amounts depending on the area we were raised and the foods we were raised consuming. Environment plays a big part in our own individual organism balance.

You may be asking yourself, as I am, how is it we have come to a place where those gifted and educated to conduct medical research and organism design are involved in our food supply? Yet those lacking specialized education on how our human systems work are the very ones formulating and driving our nutritional supplement sales and marketing? America is left trying to figure out how to deal with the consequences!

The importance of avoiding Genetically Modified foods

If you haven’t taken the time to watch the movie “Food Inc.” I highly recommend it.  It is on my blog and can be watched for free.  This will give you a little insight to what is being done to our food source and how important it is to pay attention to what you are eating and more important, avoid eating anything that has been modified or engineered.

What are Genetically Modified (GM) Foods?

This is how it is described, according to Human Genome, a governmental agency:

Although “biotechnology” and “genetic modification” commonly are used interchangeably, GM is a special set of technologies that alter the genetic makeup of organisms such as animals, plants, or bacteria. Biotechnology, a more general term, refers to using organisms or their components, such as enzymes, to make products that include wine, cheese, beer, and yogurt.

Combining genes from different organisms is known as recombinant DNA technology, and the resulting organism is said to be “genetically modified,” “genetically engineered,” or “transgenic.” GM products (current or those in development) include medicines and vaccines, foods and food ingredients, feeds, and fibers.

Locating genes for important traits—such as those conferring insect resistance or desired nutrients—is one of the most limiting steps in the process. However, genome sequencing and discovery programs for hundreds of organisms are generating detailed maps along with data-analyzing technologies to understand and use them.

In English, genetically engineered foods have had foreign genes (genes from other plants or animals) inserted into their genetic codes.

Why is this a problem, well Arpad Pusztai did a study in 1998, which was the first of it’s kind and found that rats fed transgenic potatoes (artificially bioengineered to include a gene from another species) showed evidence of:  organ damage, thickening of the small intestines and poor brain function.

The top 100 American scientists published a report warning that the release of gene-spliced organisms “…. could lead to irreversible, devastating damage to the ecology.”  There is no way for sure to know what is going to happen.  No testing has ever been done.  An experiment conducted at Michigan State University found that plants that had been genetically altered to resist viruses can cause the virus to mutate into a  more virulent forms, or forms that can attack other plant species.

These plants are being carried through pollination, wind, rain, insects and flow into every other plant for miles affecting them.  I have seen this first hand in all the allergies this year.  I have never had allergies in my life but spent 2 months staying home and on meds trying to control them.  When I went into the drug store, all the shelves were empty I wasn’t alone.  We are seeing more and more of this.

Another issue is plants that are engineered to be herbicide tolerant will lead to increased chemical use.  We have way to many chemicals in our environment and new research shows that is a contributing cause to obesity.  Big biotech companies like Monsanto monopolize the soybean market as you can see in “Food Inc.” and they also are the leaders in chemicals.  Why do you think soy is now in EVERYTHING!!! Sixty percent of the people I do allergy testing on have an allergy to soy, and anyone that has a weight issue, when taken off all soy will lose weight.  They are not interested in reducing the amount of chemicals used, if anything they would love to see it increased.  Here is a link with video’s you can decide for you self.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/06/25/the-genetic-conspiracy–are-genetically-engineered-foods-dangerous.aspx

Corn and Soy are in almost all package foods.  Let me help you understand why you want to avoid them.

CORN: Genetically engineered to tolerate high quantities of the chemical pesticide glufosinate, and genetically engineered with a virus and the DNA of the bacteria bacillus thuringiensis.

SOY: Genetically engineered and DNA-altered by Monsanto with bacteria; capable of tolerating heavy doses of Monsanto’s Roundup brand chemical pesticide (glyphosate).

Aside from all the other bad things in package foods, the above reasons should help motivate you to stay away from them.

Is your protein drink safe?

As a nutritionist, when counseling people, I am always shocked to see how little protein people have in their diet. As I always preach, it is always about balance.  Too much of anything is bad whether it be carbs, fat or protein.  I have found that the large majority of women especially, do not like meat.  So, to get them where they need to be, I usually recommend a protein drink.

Having formulated products, I have learned first hand the importance of choosing the best raw materials.  In the supplement industry you truly do get what you pay for.  If it is cheap, most likely these companies chose the cheapest, lowest ingredients to manufacture their product.  Another thing I have learned is the importance of testing your raw materials at an independent lab to make sure that you are getting a pure product.  Many companies do not do this.  Why is this a problem? Well, we are seeing that the larger majority of ingredients that come from China say one thing on their analysis, and when sent out to an independent lab you get a completely different analysis.  Many of the ingredients have contaminates such as heavy metals.

This has been evident in the recent consumer report done on 15 different protein drinks, from powders to ready to drink.  These protein powders were sent to an independent lab for testing, and here is what they found:

Among the Consumer Reports tested, was EAS Myoplex Original Rich Dark Chocolate Shake – with 16.9 micrograms of arsenic (limit of 15 micrograms a day says U.S. Pharmacopeia) and exposed users to elevated levels of heavy metals when they drink three servings a day.

Other brands tested include Energy First Pro Energy Whey Protein Isolate; BSN Lean Dessert Protein Shake; Muscle Milk among others.

The human body is made up of about 16 percent protein, which plays a major role in cell functioning. Many enzymes, hormones and our DNA are composed of protein.

Here are the average amounts of metals we found in three servings of these protein drinks. The maximum limits for them in dietary supplements proposed by the U.S. Pharmacopeia are: arsenic (inorganic), 15 micrograms (µg) per day; cadmium, 5 µg; lead, 10 µg; mercury, 15 µg. Amounts at or exceeding those limits are in bold. Experts said three servings a day are common.

Read more: http://news.injuryboard.com/consumer-reports-on-protein-powder-plus-metals-.aspx?googleid=281896#ixzz0uARUGMQq

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2010/july/food/protein-drinks/whats-in-your-protein-drink/index.htm

Why are heavy metals a problem? Well, if you are someone that is trying to lose weight or body fat; any toxin will keep you from reducing and leaning out.  Let me explain.  With heavy metals, research shows that there is a higher incidents of Alzheimer and metals tend to go to the brain.  If you research the health issues associated with each of these metals, you will see where the problem is.  Most people that have high metals also have high yeast, which increases food craving for carbs and sugar.  I also see people that have skin issues when it comes to high metals in the body.

I am a firm believer in getting protein from whole foods when and wherever  possible.  It takes more calories to eat, chew and digest real food than a protein drink.  I prefer no more than 2 protein drinks a day and nothing more than 20-30 grams.  I do not allow any protein powders with artificial sweeteners. (Read my article on Sucralose) I also feel it is important to add fruit or eat some vegetables to protect the kidneys.  The kidneys are the only organ that does not regenerate so you want to take care of them.  We were meant to eat real food, but for those that have a hard time getting protein for whatever reason, this is a way to substitute.  Do your research and makes sure you know what you are getting.

The Secrets to a Happy and Lasting Marriage

On July 3^rd we will celebrate our 30^th wedding anniversary.  I can’t believe that much time has passed.  We have four beautiful children, and 4 beautiful grand children.  Many people are shocked when we tell them how long we have been married.  In celebration, I would like to share some the things we have found to constantly help us grow together.

By all rights and statistics, we should not be married.  We met, dated 4 weeks, then he asked me to marry him, and 4 weeks later we were married.  Add to that, we were married 2 weeks after I graduated from high school.  Lyndon loves to share the story when we met.  He will tell people that he knew the minute he shook my hand that I was the one.  He was 25 and had dated quite a bit before he met me, but when he met me, he knew and he didn’t waist any time. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and like any couple, we have had our problems, but our undying love has got us through difficult times as well as the things I will share with you.  The most important thing to remember is it takes two to make a marriage and one to make a divorce.  The minute one person decides they are done; it is difficult to turn that around.  I believe the things I will share have made a difference in our marriage and have helped us to withstand the test of time.

Sense of Humor and Right to a First Negative Response

The number one thing that women say they want in a man, is a person with a sense of humor.  I believe this is essential in any relationship.  From the time we met, Lyndon was teasing me.  We laugh non-stop! One thing we learned is the right to a first negative response.  Sometimes we will say things to our spouse out of frustration or anger.  When this happens, we will ask the other, is that really what you want to say?  Inevitably, we both start laughing.  Then the response is, “no I am just upset or frustrated about ……” By doing this, it can defuse a very volatile and potentially hurtful response.    Things that might have been said that would create problems for some time down the road are avoided.  This is a very helpful tool.

Speak Up in Your First Year

If you are getting married or a newlywed, I always teach the importance of speaking up in your first year of marriage when something bothers you.  If you wait until years down the road, your spouse is very confused at why this would suddenly be a problem, when in reality it was a problem from the start.  I have seen things like this create resentment and potential problems later in the marriage.  If your new spouse is doing something that is bothering you, very lovingly let them know that this bothers you so you give them the opportunity to change it.  This makes things so much easier.

Love Languages

One of the greatest tools we’ve learned in our marriage is learning one another’s love language.  If you have a chance, make sure you read the book “The Five Love Languages.”   If you are a person where your love language is ‘physical touch’ and you are married to a person that their love language is ‘acts of service,’ you are going to see two very frustrated people. Let me explain.  If a person whose love language is ‘acts of service’ does something like washes your car, cleans something for you, etc., for a person who’s love language is ‘physical touch,’ the ‘physical touch’ person will think it is nice, but not feel loved.  In turn, if a physical touch person is affectionate, hugging, touching, etc. to a person who is ‘acts of service,’ again the person will think it is nice but will not feel loved.  The trick is communicating love in the other person’s love language.  You would be shocked at what this will do to your relationship if you start loving a person in their love language.  Many people have a primary and a secondary.  Learn those! It will make a difference.  There is a test I use so people know what one another are.  Here is a short explanation that may be useful.  (I want to thank my dear friend Lee Pope for the information on defining love languages condensed)

1) Words of Affirmation Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good complement.”  This then is the primary love language of a person who would say; “if you love me then you would tell me”.  Remember that in this love language it’s not so much what you say; it’s how you make someone else feel when you say it. Words of Affirmation need to be sincere and thoughtful.  They can come in the form of a complement for a wonderful dinner, for being a great wife or husband, or for doing so much for the children etc.  For many, affirming words from the one they love most can get them through the most difficult day.

2) Quality Time This person is someone who wants your time and your undivided attention.  Watching TV together doesn’t cut it; it’s the TV that has your attention. Quality time involves quality conversation (i.e. listening, being sympathetic, and taking the time to understand).  It involves making time for activities like lunch together, time on the phone during breaks at work, vacations and family time.  For a wife whose primary love language is ‘Quality Time’, to have a husband who consciously makes time for birthdays, dates, family picnics and especially time focused on her, will make all the difference in her life.

3) Receiving Gifts Gift giving is a fundamental expression of love that transcends all cultures.  Gifts can be purchased, found or made. They don’t even have to cost money.  For a person whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts, they are very important – gifts mean that your spouse is thinking of you and his or her gift is an expression of love. Gifts are visual symbols of love, and they are much more important to some than others.  The wedding ring is a very powerful symbol of love, and if your wife ever throws her ring at you, you can bet something is very wrong with your marriage.  Something as small as a flower picked on the way home, and given tenderly by a husband, may speak volumes of support and love to a wife who has struggled with difficult emotions all day.  The greatest of all gifts is the gift of self.  If your spouse’s primary love language is ‘Receiving Gifts,’ the gift of your physical presence at times when your spouse needs you is critical.  For example, if a husband’s primary love language were ‘Receiving Gifts,’ having his wife choose to come to an important softball game rather than go shopping with her friends would say to that man “she loves me”.

4) Acts of Service This love language means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do, not from fear or guilt but from love. For a woman, when her husband does many little things like taking out the garbage, changing a dirty diaper, doing the dishes (without being asked), keeping her car in good running order, and a thousand other little services, it means “he loves me”.  For a husband whose primary love language is ‘Acts of Service,’ when his wife takes the time to cook a delicious meal, or have the house clean when he comes home from work it says to him “she loves me”.

5) Physical Touch Holding hands, hugging, kissing, embracing, and sexual intimacy are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. Keep in mind that within each love language are many different dialects.  A wife, for example whose primary love language is ‘Physical Touch,’ but not necessarily sexual intimacy, may cherish holding hands, sitting close together on the couch, hugs of reassurance, a soft hand on her shoulder and kisses goodbye.  If her husbands primary love language is also ‘Physical Touch’ but his dialect is sexual intimacy, then he and his wife are still are not speaking the same love language.  Her attempts to get close to him may be confusing and frustrating to him because it does not mean she wants sexual intimacy, while his attempts towards her may seem selfish to her because she sees sexual intimacy as unnecessary.  And unfortunately, they may never get past this impasse because they stubbornly stick to their respective “tunnel vision”, never realizing that there are many ways of expressing love – each with equal merits and with no two exactly alike.

What is important to understand, is that we need to learn to appreciate one another’s differences.  This does not mean that you must try and change your own love language or personality; it means you make an effort to speak your spouse’s (or your best friends).  You don’t have to give up English, because you learn to speak French. You have simply added another positive to your love language resume. If a wife’s love language is ‘Words of Affirmation,’ will only improve his relationship with her when he begins to speak affirming words to her – and this he does without giving up his primary love language.  It’s a “Win Win”.

Thanks Lee!!!

Solutions or Understanding

Nothing is more frustrating then when you are upset and someone is giving you solutions and all you want to do is vent.  When your spouse is upset, ask the question, “Do you want a solution or understanding?” This way you can give your spouse what they need.  If you are looking for a solution and getting understanding, again you will be very frustrated.  We have found this to be very useful.

Differences are Good

I can’t tell you how opposite Lyndon and I are.  We think nothing alike, but I believe this is a good thing.  It is like the yin and yang.  When brought together, they can be very powerful and strong.  We can be discussing something and because we think nothing alike, we help one another with ideas that we would have never thought of on our own.  Also, we have strengths that the other doesn’t, making our union very special.  Even though we are different in many ways, we do share the same over all belief in religion, family, raising children and life in general.  If you find that you are very different from your spouse, look at the positive side of things and the power in the relationship.

Keep Dating

Many people think the work stops when you get married. It is actually quite the opposite.  Marriage takes work, time and effort.  It is important to set time aside weekly to go out and have some one on one time.  This is ever so important when kids come along.  We taught our married kids very young that if mom and dad do not have time together, they wouldn’t be together.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money or any money at all if you don’t have it, but you do need that time.  If you can’t afford a babysitter, then find another couple that you can trade with.  You take Friday and they can have Saturday.  A great Friday night can consist of a nice dinner, bubble bath and intimacy, which bring me to my next point.  When you were dating, you always looked your best.  You took care of yourself, watched your weight and went to great effort to attract your spouse’s attention.  I can’t tell you how many people who are recently divorced that now want to lose weight, get in shape etc. It makes me wonder if they had continued this in their marriage, would they still be married?  My daughter has 2 little boys that are very busy, but when her husband comes home at night she always has makeup on and her hair done.  And guys, the baseball hat is ok once in a while, but we like your hair fixed and clean-shaven.  If you are in a place where you have lost site of this, it is never too late to start.  Work together to get in-shape and recommit to the same effort you did when you were dating.  I recently had a friend that said he wanted to get back to where he was when he married his wife. You could tell this was important to him and I know that his wife appreciates it.  I think it is very sad when I am working with someone and they say they love their spouse, but have to imagine them, as they were when they met them, in order to be intimate because their spouse has let themselves go.  There is no way they could share this because it could be devastating, especially to a woman.  So, take the time to evaluate yourself and see if you are putting the same effort into attracting your spouse as you did when you were dating.

Forget Mistakes and Do Reminisce

Humans are the only species that continue to pay for their mistake.  Why do we punish others and ourselves over and over again?  No one is perfect and we all make mistakes.  If you have worked through something, let it go!  Never bring it up again.  It only hurts your relationship, not help it.  Also, if you are struggling in your marriage, go to dinner or even the park and talk about how you met and what you did when you first started dating.  It is amazing how that will stir up the feelings you once felt and help you remember why you fell in love with one another.  One other thing that is vital to a happy and lasting marriage is when you are with friends; never say anything negative about your spouse.  I guarantee if you are with your friends and someone starts to complain about their spouse and others chime in, soon you will be too.  When you go home, you will find that you will be gruff and irritated with your spouse. It also works in the reverse. If you say wonderful things and you return home, you will find that you are loving to your spouse.  Negative speaking brings about negative actions.  Remove yourself from these kinds of setting or turn the conversation around and start saying all the things you love about your spouse.

Do What the Other Person Likes

This is foundational in order for you to grow together as the years go on.  We are seeing more and more people that are married 25-30 years getting divorced.  They grow apart over the years and have nothing in common but their kids.  One thing we decided when we got married was to do things together.  Lyndon has always loved motorcycles and when our married kids were young we spent time as a family at the sand dunes.  Lyndon always wants me with him, so I had to learn to ride extremely difficult and steep terrain that were pretty scary, so I could ride with the guys.  It was scary, but I soon learned to love it and many times I was the only woman riding with a bunch of guys.  Then, he thought it was time for me to get my motorcycle license. It was scary riding on two wheels but I have loved it.  We have ridden through the Redwoods of Northern California and down the coast. I am so glad that I did it.  I wanted to get a horse. Lyndon had only been around horses two times, both being very negative experiences, but because we made this decision to do things together, we got two.  He learned to love it and his horse. We have ridden through some of the most beautiful places in the Utah Mountains and California deserts.  He still misses the horses today.  We taught our married children the importance of this.  Our youngest daughter married a man that loves sports and she enjoys them also, not to the extent her husband does, but they go to games together. She knew nothing about wake boarding but has become an incredible boarder, all from learning how important it is to do things together.  Now, I will admit that there are some things I haven’t enjoyed and Lyndon would tell you the same.  I can’t count the many times he has come to an event to hear me speak on things he has heard a million times and to be known as “Michelle’s Husband,” is not his idea of a good time. He is always there with me and supports me and I do the same.  If your spouse asks you to do something you are not thrilled about, think back when you were dating. I guarantee you would have been there, just to be with them.  This is so important.

Don’t Set Yourself Up For Failure

We live in a time where very few people have respect for someone that is married.  It used to be if someone had a ring on their finger, they were off-limits.  It used to be that you would see aggressive men, but today, I would have to say that women are just as aggressive and in some cases more aggressive.  They don’t care that they are destroying a family. All they can think about is themselves and their selfish desires.  Because so many women are in the work force, we are seeing more and more affairs. Remember, if someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you! I have worked on a corporate level for more than one company and I have strived hard not to set myself up for failure.  One friend of ours said he was so impressed when he first met me because within the first 10-15 minutes I was talking about my husband.  He was also with Lyndon and I on a speaking assignment and Lyndon had left for a few minutes and we had to discuss something for the upcoming meeting.  As Lyndon walked out the door, I grabbed a chair and propped the door open.  It would be inappropriate for me to be alone with a man other than my husband in any hotel room, even if we were discussing business.  Also, you should never discuss anything personal or complain about your spouse to the opposite sex.  Social networking has created emotional affairs and this is just as destructive to a marriage.  So many times this will lead you down a road you never intended on traveling.

A year ago I lost a dear friend of mine.  He and his beautiful wife were married for 26 years.  She has recently started dating. She is stunning, but said to me that there is so much to be said for being with someone you have spent years with.  She says the energy that it takes and all the games people play, is very tiring.  She would give everything she has to have her husband back.  I feel that the things I have shared with you above have helped us to understand what true and lasting love is. I feel that we are more in love now, 30 years later than when we were first married.  I married the love of my life (my Mary Poppins husband…practically perfect in every way) and find gratitude in being able to spend my life with someone that loves me just as much as I love him and whom I have ever lasting happiness with.

What you don’t know about your food could be making you fat!

Many people are not aware that 80% of weight loss is what you are putting in your mouth.  The advertisement industry has done a great job on marketing.  It makes me crazy when they will say a particular product has an ingredient in it, talks about the benefits like it is a primary ingredient, and then if you take a minute and research the ingredient, you realize there isn’t enough of it in there to get the results they are claiming.

Another thing that people don’t realize is if an ingredient is below a certain limit, it is not required to be placed on the label.  Many times, you truly don’t know what you are eating. In Paul Zane Pilzer book “The Wellness Revolution”, he talks about the reason why people sit down to a whole bag of chips or a whole box of cookies.  When you look at the ingredients on most packaged foods, it is hard to pronounce most of the ingredients.  The average person consumes 10 pounds of food additives every year.  Those of you who are looking to be ten pounds lighter might think about not eating things in a box or package.  Many of these food additives actually make you crave more food.  For example, MSG is under many different names and is an excitotoxin.  It literally excites your cells to death.  A great book is Excitotoxins: The Taste That Kills by Blaylock.  This will really enlighten you on food additives.  It can make cardboard taste good. That is how scary food additives are.

When you eat a banana, you might have just one more, but rarely will you eat 5 or more.  That is because your body got the nutrients it was looking for so now you might reach for an apple.  When you eat processed or packaged foods they contain little to no nutrients.  You continue to eat, and in some cases you may even be full, but still do not feel satisfied because your body is still looking for nutrients.  I also see this in people that do not eat balanced through the day.  They eat very little for breakfast or even lunch and so when night comes, their body did not get the nutrients it was looking for so people will find that they have the munchies.  When you are a night eater you can guarantee gaining weight.

Almost everything that comes in a box or package contains corn or soy.  In the testing that I do, 60-70% of people have problems with both and the end result is weight gain.  When people eliminate this from their diet it is amazing how much weight they lose.  My rule is; if you can’t pronounce it you don’t want to eat it.  These chemicals increase your toxic load and cause your body to hang on to unwanted weight.  The more you can reduce your toxic load, the easier it is to reduce your weight.  Learn to read labels and avoid things that contain high fructose corn syrup and any corn ingredients and soy.  Both are genetically modified and create imbalances in the body.  New research shows it is causing sterility among many other problems. Jeffrey Smith, author of the bestseller “Seeds of Deception,” explains how genetically modified foods cause health problems, and their potential for creating a vast array of unforeseen and surprising illnesses.  I plan on writing later on why you need to say NO to GMO.

The more you can eat foods that are in their natural state, not only will you feel better but you will definitely notice a difference when you look in the mirror.

How to Stay Motivated so You Reach Your Goals

A young mother recently asked me on Facebook, how I stay motivated to exercise and eat well.  Well, it isn’t easy at all.  I wish I could say it was! The truth is I have days just like everyone else where I am not as motivated as I am on other days. I am fortunate to have married a man that always exercises, no matter what, with will power that if there were a way to market it, I would be a millionaire.  I have to say this does help.  If he were asking me if I wanted ice cream and other goodies, I probably wouldn’t be in the shape I am. If you are trying to eat better and exercise regularly it is a good idea to make it a family affair.

As I stated in my book “Willing to Change, Can You Beat Genetics,” people look at me and think I can eat whatever I want.  That is so far from the truth.  I grew up in a home where we had the worst eating habits and we ate huge portions of food.  I have struggled with portions for many years and if my weight starts to creep up, it usually comes back to portions.  In my travels and talking to thousands of people, there are only a few people that get to eat what they want and look great.  But, some people make it look so easy.

There are two things that will get you almost anything you want. Motivation and Determination.  These two things are extremely powerful.  When you are truly motivated and have determination, getting out of bed in the morning seems to be easier.  When you are offered a piece of cake or some other fattening food, it gives you the power to say no and passing up fries doesn’t phase you.  When you are motivated and determined, that intense workout invigorates you and you will find yourself pushing harder and harder.  The real motivation is when you look in the mirror and see the results of your hard work and good choices.  The question is, are you motivated and determined and if not; how do get motivated?

Set a goal:

Find a goal that inspires you and gives you the strength to do all of the above.  Define your WHY!!!  Why do you want to get in shape?  To be healthier, have more energy, for an event (like a reunion or vacation).  It may be as simple as attracting someone into your life. You need to be very specific in defining your WHY.

Write it down:

I literally just read this today. Statistics show that people who write down their goals have over 80% higher success rate of achieving them. Make sure they specific, measurable, achievable, results-oriented and time-limited.  For example, you want to lose 15 pounds in 6 weeks and you would put how you plan to do this.  By writing things down, you put them into motion on an energetic level.  I am a firm believer in journaling. It creates accountability.  I recommend this with both your exercise and your nutrition.  That way you can go back and see what worked for you and what didn’t.

Visualization:

Makes sure you take time each morning and each night, as well as when you exercise to visualize what you want to look like.  If you have an old picture of your self that you like, you can also use that.  If not, find a picture of what you would like to look like and place it in several places, the fridge being a great place, to motivate you to stay on track.

Make a plan:

You need to plan how you are going to accomplish your goal.  If you don’t make a plan, you will plan to fail.  It is essential to find a program you can stick with.  It can be as simple as cutting portions and eliminating things [such as soda] that are contributing to your weight.  If you are ready for a more aggressive program, you might think about my Body Earned program.  You might also think of finding a good personal trainer that can help you with your workouts and push you.

Have a support system:

Make sure that you have a support system.  Share with family and friends your new goals and help them to understand how important they are to you.  When those weak moments come (and they will), have people around you that will help you remember your goals. This will help you to stay on track.  If you find that some of your friends are not so supportive, you may have to find new people to associate with that are more supportive.  Unfortunately, some friends have a problem when others loose weight. They are not very happy because it is a reminder that they are not where they need to be.  So be prepared! You may need to find a new circle of friends.

Secrets to finding real love

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  With the kind of work that I do, I work with a lot of people with emotional issues.  Recently, I have had people coming to me asking them to coach them in their dating.  Up until this point, most of the relationships they have had haven’t gone well at all.  It seems everyone is looking for love, but most people do not understand what real love is. It’s sad to say many never experience it in their life.  My husband and I will celebrate our 30^th anniversary in a few weeks.  Even after 30 years of spending our lives together we are hopelessly in love.  I am married to an amazing man and the love of my life. Not that we haven’t had our struggles; everyone does, but I chose well when I was dating.  We have 3 happily married children, whom we’ve taught certain things about how and who to date. I would like to share that with you in hopes that if you are at the point in your life where you would like to settle down and have a family, you might find a person that you enjoy, are compatible with and are still in love years later.

Be who you are!!!!

I love the line in the movie “Fools rush in” when he says, “What is dating anyway? For the first 3 months you try to impress each other and the next you find out who they really are.” Such a true statement.  Why do we do this?  You need to always be who you are!!  This would make life so much easier for people if they would do this.  I was told of a story recently of a couple that while they were dating, the guy was everything he knew the girl wanted to get the girl.  Once married, he was who he really was, much to the unhappiness of his new wife.  She thought she was marrying this outgoing guy, only to find out he preferred to stay home and not do a whole lot.  I will be surprised if this marriage lasts.  When people are first dating, they are on their best behavior.  When our children came to us and told us that they wanted to get married, we would ask them this question.  If you took all this person’s qualities and cut them in half, would you still want to marry them?  Be who you are. If someone is trying to change you, THEY DON’T LIKE YOU!!!  Move on.  In the “Mastery of Love,” there is a chapter on trying to make a dog a cat.  The dog is always going to be a dog and a cat is always going to be a cat. We don’t expect a cat to be a dog or the other way around, and yet we do this all the time in relationships.  Be who you are and if it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be.

Wish list

I am a firm believer in making a man/woman wish list.  When our youngest daughter was in a place where she began to think about the man she wanted to marry, she made a very detailed list of the type of man she wanted to be with.  She had dated guys that made her realize what she didn’t want.  She told me she use to think that lists were dumb, but after dating enough guys that were sub-standard she realized that she needed to make the list of what she did want in a partner.  The categories she had where in this order: spiritual, personality, family qualities, looks, other qualities, and bonus.  She was very, very specific.  By doing this, energetically she put things into motion.  My daughter is very beautiful and personality wise, she is so sweet. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t just love her. She sat home many a Friday and Saturday nights because she was picky about whom she dated.  She only dated people with her same standards and that had the qualities she was looking for; it paid off because not very long after she made this list, her husband Curt showed up.  He had all but 2 of the qualities on the very long list she had.  They have been married for 4 years and you would think they are still on their honeymoon.  She says they laugh non-stop and I don’t think they have ever fought. She never dated to date.  Note; never, ever share your list with anyone!!  Wait until you are married and then share, again you don’t want some one to do what is on the list just to be with only to find they are really a different person.

Predator-Prey

One thing that I am seeing a lot of is women that are so aggressive.  I know that many believe that times have changed and that it is perfectly fine for woman to ask men out, but so many men are tired of this.  They have said men are supposed to be the predators and women are supposed to be the prey.  I am a firm believer in this.  Now, I am a strong woman, but I see the beauty in this.  Ladies, I want to let you in on a secret; MEN WANT WHAT THEY CAN’T HAVE!!!  The forbidden, the untouchable.  The women that I have coached to let the guy contact them first, be the predator, can’t believe the response they have received from men.  There is nothing wrong with putting yourself in a man’s path, but they need to ask you out and pursue you.  Which leads me to the topic of intimacy.  This is another thing I am shocked at. People share this with anyone and everyone.  I come from the generation where you wait till you get married and we raised our children to do the same.  But, not everyone has this same belief. So, my rule when working with someone is; they have to wait until the relationship becomes exclusive.  My oldest daughter has her degree in psychology and this is a statistic that she shared with me.  For every man that a woman sleeps with, it increases her chance of divorce when she does get married.  If she sleeps with 8 or more the chances of her marriage lasting is something like .001%.  Not good odds.  Intimacy for women is emotional, for most men it is physical.  That is why this statistic is so profound.  Makes you think.  When this rule is implicated, especially by women, the women come back and share with me that the men always say how much they respect the woman for that choice.  Another problem with intimacy right away is it clouds your judgment on compatibility and other issues. I had a guy say to me that he felt he had to sleep with a girl otherwise the girl would think that there was something wrong with her.  Are you kidding me?  If a woman believes this, she has little to no respect for herself and is not confident in the other qualities she possesses. Did you know that the number one quality that a man is attracted to is a confident woman? And guy’s…if a girl is jumping into bed with you in the first few dates, then she is doing that with everyone else. If the person you are dating can’t wait, then all they are interested in you for is sex.  If you are looking for a meaningful and permanent relationship, move on!!  One last thing ladies; There are women that men date and women that they marry.  The women they just want to sleep with are women they date.  When it comes time to settle down, a man wants a woman that hasn’t been with many men and is a little more conservative. Most men do not like to share and do not like their stuff out there.  They are also looking at this woman and thinking about her being the mother of his children.  They have a much different perspective when it comes to choosing the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with.  It is interesting what women think men want verses what men actually want.   One last thing on compatibility; We taught our kids that if you were intimate everyday, that would take at most 1 hour, if you can’t get along the other 23 hours, you will be miserable.  The physical is meant to be the frosting on the cake, not the foundational.

Dating and Marrying up

I have always taught that both people need to feel like they are the luckiest girls or guys to be with the person they are with.  This is dating up. If this couple decides to get married, they tend to have more successful marriages.  I remember when I first met my husband, Lyndon.  When he walked into a room, everyone noticed, both men and women. Not only was he (and still is) incredibly handsome, but very successful. I remember thinking; someone like him could never be interested in someone like me.  That is the kind of person you really want to try and date.  When you date up, there is an appreciation for this person and you are thinking about pleasing them, instead of thinking of yourself.  The true definition of love is giving.  When you first start dating someone, you want to do things for him or her.  You are excited to please them.  Unfortunately, if you are not truly in love with someone, you no longer do the things you once did for him or her when you first started dating.

You can’t change anyone!!

The only person you can change is you!!! If you think you are going to meet someone and change him or her, you are kidding yourself!  Yes, people will change for a moment, but they always go back to whom they are unless they have the desire to make that change on their own.  When dating someone, you want to choose people that make you want to be a better person.  Your goal is to always strive to be your highest and best self.  If someone is bringing out your worst qualities and you fight a lot, you probably don’t want to be with that person.  My husband recently had lunch with two friends and both complained about how horrible their wives were.  They were absolutely miserable.  The sad part is, when they were dating, it was that way.  Why you would marry someone that makes you miserable makes no sense to me.  Lyndon came home in total gratitude, recognizing how much fun we have together, that I don’t yell and scream at him or treat him poorly.  It is always important to work on your personal growth and development.  Did you know your personal income will never exceed your personal growth and development?  This is a pretty good reason to work on this.  You also have the person that is so interested in a person’s look that they can’t see their bad qualities.  They date for a while and she/he starts to see the qualities everyone has warned that person about, but doesn’t want to admit that everyone was right about this person.  Their pride keeps them from getting out so they continue to try and change them only to fail.  If this is you, cut your losses and next time focus on the inside.  Remember looks fade and it is not the basis for a lasting relationship!!!

Things to pay attention too

I am a why person. I love to try and understand why people do what they do.  I have spent time around many, many people. A couple of things that I taught my girls when they started dating is to pay attention to how a guy treats his mom, how his dad treats his mom, and that you will have one of those two relationships. I have yet to see this not the case.  If a guy is disrespectful to his mom, he will eventually treat you that way.  If the father is disrespectful, demanding, and just treats his wife bad, so may the son.  That is the example he had and so that is what he views as normal.  In our home, if anyone disrespected Lyndon or myself, they were toast.  He loves me and treats me with the utmost respect and expects everyone else to.  In turn, it is my responsibility to respect him too.  I have seen people get into it in public and that is so disrespectful to one another.  When respect goes out of the relationship, there is little left.  Respect is essential.

If you are a person that wants to have a family, pay attention to how the person you are dating is with children.  If you are a guy that would like a woman that is nurturing, this is a great way to see that particular quality.

Unfortunately, in our society, many people do not know what a healthy relationship looks like.  They get married only for it to end in divorce.  I highly recommend the book “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  This book will teach you so much about what love really is and what a healthy successful relationship looks like.  It will help you in your dating to attract a higher quality of people and to also be happy with yourself.  After all, if you don’t love you, how do you expect anyone else too!!  There is nothing like having a person in your life that loves you unconditionally, who is always there no matter what and in my case, always makes me laugh, even in difficult times.  I hope this information will bless those of you looking for a healthy relationship!